Hawaii 

We survived our trip, and being away from our kids, and it was wonderful! We did exactly as planned. Too much sun, not enough sleep, too much alcohol and food, and spent too much money. Indulgence at its finest. 

Mom had to take Emmett to the Dr, and give him a few breathing treatments. But, she’s an old pro at that, so I wasn’t worried. Oliver never got upset by our absence. Yay! I was worried he’d have a hard time. Wrong. I underestimated his independence. 

Hawaii is beautiful. Obviously. And I am so thankful for the opportunity we had to go. We made some great friends within the group we were with. But, Hawaii is not an easy location to get to from Tennessee. Travel days were loooooong. I’m not sure I’ll make that trip again anytime soon. I’d lean more towards the Caribbean I think. Just easier flights, travel time, etc. 

Now back to real life. Shots, snot, potty training, work and birthday party planning. 

vacation 

All is well in my little corner of the world. Emmett is sleeping through the night, for almost 2 weeks now, and he’s adjusting well to daycare while I’m adjusting to a 5 day work week. We’re all getting into our groove. Sleep is amazing. Oliver is awesome. Learning and changing every day. It’s amazing to witness. 

The best news is, my husband and I are leaving for Hawaii Monday morning. We might be crazy, but the opportunity came along, and my mom is willing to keep my kids, so here we go. I know, many mom’s would not leave their 4 month old. But I fully trust my mother, I’m not breastfeeding, and my husband and I need this. This 2nd baby has put us through a shit storm. And I feel like I’ve been pregnant for 3.5 years. So, we’re going to rest, sun, drink, sex, repeat. Beginning immediately, bc I just finished up work! 

toddlers and beer

I feel terrible. Oliver, who is almost 3, picked up my beer and tried to have a drink. I turned around as he was putting the bottle to his mouth. I immediately grabbed it. I do not think he actually ingested any. And for the record, this is like my 4th beer in front of him. It’s not something he sees daily. But I, for some reason, feel awful about it. What if I’ve turned him into an alcoholic?! On the other hand, he really can’t drink most of what I drink. Coffee, diet coke. I let him share what’s in my yeti, because it’s always water. 

Am I totally f’ing crazy? 

12 weeks 

Emmett is 12 weeks old, as of yesterday. He has fairly significant reflux. So, he isn’t sleeping through the night. We’re still doing small feeds, pretty close together. Although, I can see, this week he has been going a tad longer. 

I’m pretty exhausted at this point. I have had one single night of relief since his birth. One. Granted by my mother. Thank you mom. But otherwise, every 2-3 hours, around the clock, for 12 solid weeks. It is taking its toll physically. I really have nothing more to say about sleep. I miss it. I’ll never take it for granted again. 

Emmett is a great baby other than that small issue. He isn’t fussy, he’s super alert when he’s awake. He has several chunks of awake time during the day. He hates baths and pacifiers and the carseat.

Oliver is adjusting pretty well. It was a slow go. He experienced a decent amount of jealousy, and we still see it from time to time, but he’s getting better. He still prefers his dad to me, I think he’s mad at me sometimes. Since I’m home with him more, and have to care for Emmett when he’d rather I play, but we’ll all get there. He does appear to love Emmett. He wants to hold him a lot, always asks about him, checks on him, etc. So, that’s promising. He’s just getting used to a different level of one on one attention. 

All in all, we are doing well. Soon, I will sleep more, and I’ll feel like a brand new person! 

embryo donation

So, it is that time. We still have 5 embryo’s in storage that I can say without hesitation, we will not be using. They are all AB quality. They would most likely provide 2 donations. While, I do not hesitate to donate these embryo’s, I have a problem with the lack of information that I can receive. And I’m not sure if I should feel this way, or not. If it were up to me, I would prefer to meet the couple. I think. I mean, those are our embryo’s. We live in a pretty small town. Only 2 fertility clinics here. Chances are good that babies result from these embryo’s. Probably not all, obviously, but possibly 1-2. Chances are also good that my children, and the resulting children’s paths might cross. Am I totally crazy to think this way? Has anyone here ever done this? I am not struggling with the donation part of this. I am not sure what my struggle is exactly. All I do know is, this is becoming much more emotional than I had anticipated.

7 weeks

How has it been 7 weeks already? And also, it feels sometimes like it has been 16 weeks.

Emmett – 7 weeks

Emmett is doing great. He is a tiny little fella. Weighing in at 8lbs14oz at his 6 week check up (which was actually at 7 wks) which puts him in the 3rd percentile for weight. He’s in the 11th for height. I am OK with this. He was tiny when we brought him home, and he is growing – that is all that matters. (I have some family who only believe that the 99th percentile is OK. Screw them.) He is alert, he smiles, he sleeps, he eats, he holds his little head up to look at his surroundings, he responds to my voice, he’s doing all the things he is supposed to be doing at this point.
Oliver 2.5 yrs

Oliver is still a little jealous from time to time. But, we are managing it. It is getting easier, the less I am tethered to the baby. To be honest, I was not prepared for the level of jealousy that we experienced with him. He loves the baby, but when he wants our attention, he definitely lets us know. Oliver is doing great otherwise. He loves his little school, he is learning new words and terms every single day. We are amazed. Often saying “where did he hear that word!” He has a little girlfriend at school. They kiss and hold hands. I die. I can’t believe we are planning his 3rd birthday.
Me

I have healed up well enough I suppose. Of course, there is a c-section scar, but it healed normally. I lost 20lbs in the 1st few weeks. Now to lose the remaining 10 gained during pregnancy, then I’ll begin to work on all the weight I gained in these years muddling through fertility treatments. (Probably around 40-50 over the course of 10 years) I was unable to continue breastfeeding past 3 weeks. But, I have not yet had my 1st period. I dread it. The 1st period after Oliver was AWFUL. The worst of my entire life. Like, debilitating. I had to call my husband home from work, awful. I feel slightly crampy, like it may start soon, although I was 5 months pp with O. So, we’ll see. Despite not breastfeeding, my boobs are in a very unattractive state. I have big ones naturally. Before weight gain, IF treatments, babies, etc., I was a solid Ccup. Currently a DD. But they have found a new place to sit. Or rather, droop. Does this get better? Looking forward, I will eventually have a reduction and a lift, but this current level of droopiness just seems excessive. Maybe they have to bounce back after BFing? Maybe this is their new home? Sigh. I am exhausted. Emmett is eating every 2 hours around the clock. I have not had any solid sleep since before his birth. It is taking its toll on me. And probably on my weight loss journey. It is causing me to be very angry at my husband. Which brings me to sex.
Sex.

Sigh again. I think I’ll just dedicate an entire post to this later. 

 

 

 

2 weeks

Emmett was 2 weeks old on Friday. He had a perfect Dr appointment. He’s gained back up to his birth weight, plus 2 ounces, for a total of 6lb5oz. Everything looks great. 

Except, I’ve not been doing well with breast feeding. It’s almost like my actual milk never came in, except it did. Just not much. I’m still working on it. But my expectations are realistic. And I’m just not going to beat myself up about it. There will be plenty of mom guilt to go around. I’m not starting now. I’ll go as far as I can go. Currently, we’re about 3/4 formula, 1/4 breast. 

Secondly, Emmett has a cold. Which sucks considering how young he is. Luckily, this is not rsv. Just a cold/ congestion. So, it makes it hard to eat. We’re doing lots of auctioning and watching him to make sure his airways are open. It makes me super nervous. But, the worst should be over in a few days, according to our pediatrician. 

Oliver is adjusting well. He was pretty jealous in the beginning and I was worried that he’d hate me forever. Ha! We’re all learning how to split our time and attention. He’s learning that his little brother isn’t so bad. 

My husband is back at work but has still managed to be more helpful. Everyone is better when we’re all on our regular schedule. 

That’s all I have for now. Learning how to navigate this new season of life. 

my sleepy husband 

Well, tomorrow my husband goes back to work. Emmett is 10 days old. I’m happy to have had someone here with me these 10 days. Oliver is having a hard time adjusting. But that’s another post. It’s been great having my husband here to tag team these babies. But……Damn he needs a lot of sleep. He can sleep all night, wake up sleepy, feed a kid, nap for 3 hours. I personally think there is a deeper issue. In his mind, I guess this week was a week off work, so a mini vaca. Um, no…

We have fought several times. I’ve raised my voice daily. We’re in this together, but not really. 

I’m actually happy he’s leaving the house tomorrow. Emmett, Oliver and I can get into our little groove. 

Rant over. 

breastfeeding 

Breastfeeding is hard. Most people know, I was unable to bf Oliver for various reasons. 1 being my supply. Well, I was determined this time to win. Haha! I’m losing. He lost an entire pound in his 1st 4 days of life. We started supplementing. I started pumping to stimulate. What I learned is, I get about an ounce every 3-4 hours, from both sides combined. I’ve increased my pumping. Emmett breastfeeds at every feeding and has either formula or pumped breastmilk. It’s a process. I have a few weeks of effort left, but this is so hard. And he’s so small! 

Any advice on increasing production?