Such a dirty word. But, it’s done. I am 3.5 weeks post surgery, and I feel both better aznd worse than I thought I would. Physically, I feel fine, very little pain at all, no scars, etc. But I am totally exhausted. Completely zonked. I am told this is normal, and I’ll gradually get my mojo back. I’m waiting… haha! Emotionally, I feel freeeeeee! Very strange perhaps, but I do. Yes, my uterus brought me two amazing little creatures, but all my adult life my uterus has been a cause of much… um… struggle, I suppose. So, I am just fine with this new phase of life. Onward, right?
It’s such a dirty word, hysterectomy.
Surgery is in the morning. I guess I always known in the back somewhere that it would come to this. My system has never functioned right. Currently, I’ve been bleeding since May 1st. I’m over it. I tried an ablation in July, which only slowed it down. It’s miserable.
I’m actually really ok with this. It feels like letting go of this big black cloud. But how can I feel that way when I have these 2 beautiful children? I don’t know. None of it has been easy, and strangely this feels like closure.
The hardest part will be not being able to pick Emmett up for 2 weeks, but my husband is off work, so we’ll be fine.
So now I’ll carry on with my pre-op cleanse.
So, I’ve been on a hiatus. Not intentional, really. First – my phone became super clogged up, so the app finally had to go. Then I got a new phone, and life has just been way in the way. Two kids under 3 is hardcore. And just like everyone has always said – the 2nd one seems to be harder than the 1st. That is my experience anyway.
Here’s a bullet point update, if anyone is still around…
- During our Hawaii trip, I started my 1st postpartum period. AND IT HAS NOT STOPPED. Sometime in late June it became alarmingly heavy, so after a visit to my ob, we decided to do an ablation. And still – the bleeding continues. So, I am scheduled for a hysterectomy next month. I tried to wait. But I want my life back. My underwear, and my sex life. And, I am not going to try for a 3rd baby. Pregnancies are too difficult for me – I am not going down that road again. So, this should be a fun new journey. 🙂
- Emmett has still not slept consistently well. He is 9 months old, as of last week. And still wakes up once or twice at night. I look rough guys. I can see it all over my face. Months and months and months of no solid sleep will take its toll.
- Emmett is also thriving in all other categories. He is adorable, has 4 teeth, eats everything I give him, laughs, loves everyone – truly, the most adorable baby ever.
- Oliver is almost 3 1/2. He is a sociopath, I am convinced. Not really. But O. M. G. Three is hard. He REFUSES to potty train. I tried for 5 SOLID WEEKS. I did all the things. Trust me. We were consistent, school was consistent. He just has ZERO interest. So, after 5 awful weeks, I have up. We’ll try again later.
- We got a dog. I’m crazy right? Hahahaha. I worked with a boxer rescue, and waited until the right dog came along for adoption, and let me tell you… he is perfect. Great with my kids, calm-ish, for a boxer. Very sweet. He slipped into our little family as if he’d always been there.
- We celebrated our 8th wedding anniversary this week. Eight years. Crazy! We were together for 6 prior to that, so we don’t make a big deal out of an anniversary. Actually, we didn’t do a thing.
- We took our 1st mini-vacay as a family of 4. A short trip to Asheville, by car, to stay in a tiny cabin at a camp ground for 3 nights. Other than the kids not sleeping well out of town, it was a great trip.
- I am still working, usually about 6 hours a day. Both kids are doing well in daycare. Oliver will be in pre-k next year, and I seriously cannot believe it.
- I celebrated my 38th birthday in May. But, since Oliver’s birthday is 4 days after mine, I didn’t do much to celebrate.
- Oliver’s birthday parties were great. Mickey Mouse… again… I am already planning Emmett’s party, in my head, for January. Fun, fun, fun.
Not a ton to catch up on for me. I am more interested in reading up on everyone else. This has definitely been the hardest year of my life thus far, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I love these babies so much!
We survived our trip, and being away from our kids, and it was wonderful! We did exactly as planned. Too much sun, not enough sleep, too much alcohol and food, and spent too much money. Indulgence at its finest.
Mom had to take Emmett to the Dr, and give him a few breathing treatments. But, she’s an old pro at that, so I wasn’t worried. Oliver never got upset by our absence. Yay! I was worried he’d have a hard time. Wrong. I underestimated his independence.
Hawaii is beautiful. Obviously. And I am so thankful for the opportunity we had to go. We made some great friends within the group we were with. But, Hawaii is not an easy location to get to from Tennessee. Travel days were loooooong. I’m not sure I’ll make that trip again anytime soon. I’d lean more towards the Caribbean I think. Just easier flights, travel time, etc.
Now back to real life. Shots, snot, potty training, work and birthday party planning.
All is well in my little corner of the world. Emmett is sleeping through the night, for almost 2 weeks now, and he’s adjusting well to daycare while I’m adjusting to a 5 day work week. We’re all getting into our groove. Sleep is amazing. Oliver is awesome. Learning and changing every day. It’s amazing to witness.
The best news is, my husband and I are leaving for Hawaii Monday morning. We might be crazy, but the opportunity came along, and my mom is willing to keep my kids, so here we go. I know, many mom’s would not leave their 4 month old. But I fully trust my mother, I’m not breastfeeding, and my husband and I need this. This 2nd baby has put us through a shit storm. And I feel like I’ve been pregnant for 3.5 years. So, we’re going to rest, sun, drink, sex, repeat. Beginning immediately, bc I just finished up work!
I feel terrible. Oliver, who is almost 3, picked up my beer and tried to have a drink. I turned around as he was putting the bottle to his mouth. I immediately grabbed it. I do not think he actually ingested any. And for the record, this is like my 4th beer in front of him. It’s not something he sees daily. But I, for some reason, feel awful about it. What if I’ve turned him into an alcoholic?! On the other hand, he really can’t drink most of what I drink. Coffee, diet coke. I let him share what’s in my yeti, because it’s always water.
Am I totally f’ing crazy?
Emmett is 12 weeks old, as of yesterday. He has fairly significant reflux. So, he isn’t sleeping through the night. We’re still doing small feeds, pretty close together. Although, I can see, this week he has been going a tad longer.
I’m pretty exhausted at this point. I have had one single night of relief since his birth. One. Granted by my mother. Thank you mom. But otherwise, every 2-3 hours, around the clock, for 12 solid weeks. It is taking its toll physically. I really have nothing more to say about sleep. I miss it. I’ll never take it for granted again.
Emmett is a great baby other than that small issue. He isn’t fussy, he’s super alert when he’s awake. He has several chunks of awake time during the day. He hates baths and pacifiers and the carseat.
Oliver is adjusting pretty well. It was a slow go. He experienced a decent amount of jealousy, and we still see it from time to time, but he’s getting better. He still prefers his dad to me, I think he’s mad at me sometimes. Since I’m home with him more, and have to care for Emmett when he’d rather I play, but we’ll all get there. He does appear to love Emmett. He wants to hold him a lot, always asks about him, checks on him, etc. So, that’s promising. He’s just getting used to a different level of one on one attention.
All in all, we are doing well. Soon, I will sleep more, and I’ll feel like a brand new person!
So, it is that time. We still have 5 embryo’s in storage that I can say without hesitation, we will not be using. They are all AB quality. They would most likely provide 2 donations. While, I do not hesitate to donate these embryo’s, I have a problem with the lack of information that I can receive. And I’m not sure if I should feel this way, or not. If it were up to me, I would prefer to meet the couple. I think. I mean, those are our embryo’s. We live in a pretty small town. Only 2 fertility clinics here. Chances are good that babies result from these embryo’s. Probably not all, obviously, but possibly 1-2. Chances are also good that my children, and the resulting children’s paths might cross. Am I totally crazy to think this way? Has anyone here ever done this? I am not struggling with the donation part of this. I am not sure what my struggle is exactly. All I do know is, this is becoming much more emotional than I had anticipated.